What is going on?

I like food and I want to eat good food.

I enjoy reading reviews of restaurants, but I find them hard to follow. Ratings given seem to be unrelated to the content of the review (how do they distinguish between 5 stars and 4.5??) and the words they use seem to be designed to only make sense to other reviewers.

I am trying to make clear exactly what I do or do not like about a restaurant, and try to approach ranking restaurants as objectively as possible. Of course, taste will always be subjective, but I hope that separating my comments by subject matter makes it better.

I rank restaurants in 8 categories where they can score 0, 0.5, or 1. I try and keep these reviews as objective as possible. I then give it an entirely subjective rating of thumbs up or down, depending on how much I enjoyed the experience and would recommend it to others.

When using this rating as a reference, take the thumbs up with a pinch of salt, but hopefully you can look at the categories that matter most to you: you may care mainly about taste and price, or it may be important to be vegetarian-friendly.

Overall, they then get a score out of 10 (and can score, I guess, as low as -2), and it is easy to see exactly where the score comes from.


The restaurant

Ambience
How does it feel to be in the restaurant? Is it too loud? Too quiet? Too empty? Too busy? Is the music just right? Do I want to just leave straight away?

Service
Is the service too slow? Or too fast? Do you feel watched or ignored? Good service will strike the right balance.

Price
Lower prices will score 1s, higher prices but good quality / value will get 0.5 and overpriced will get a 0. £10 for a meal in a small town is good value, £10 in London is great, and £10 for just a small sandwich is bad.

Space
How is the restaurant laid out? Is it too big or too small? Are the chairs comfy? Other things relating to the physical space itself.


The food

Taste
Did the food taste nice? Of course, this one is quite subjective. I’m not culinarily trained, so I will essentially review whether I liked the food and what I did or did not like about it.

Range
Will everyone be able to find something they want? Is the menu too big, so that no one knows what to order (and surely they can’t be great at cooking hundreds of different types of foods).

Vege-friendly
The vege-friendliness of a restaurant is important to me. I am not, and nor have I ever been, a vegetarian or vegan, but it’s an important thing to note when recommending a restaurant to someone else. I consider how many options there are but also how good they are compared to the meat options.

Potatoes
Were there potato options? Were they good? Are they well-seasoned? Are they just supermarket chips fried up? (I included this category because I love potatoes).


Thumbs

Two thumbs up
I will go back and will heartily recommend this restaurant

One thumb up
I enjoyed this restaurant and would happily go back; I’d suggest it if we were looking for a place.

No thumbs up
I didn’t dislike it, and will go if suggested, but it probably wouldn’t leap to mind if someone asked for recommendations.

One thumb down
I didn’t really like it and would always suggest somewhere else; maybe I’d go if someone else was paying.

Two thumbs down
I will not visit this restaurant again and will advise against avoiding it.


I’m always looking for new restaurants to try out, so please send me as many suggestions as you can, and I’ll let you know what I think about them.

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